The Gap Between What You Value and What You Schedule
Photo by My Profit Tutor on Unsplash
TL/DR:
Most of us have a running list of things we want more time for. Kids. Exercise. Reading. Hobbies.
The phrase "fitting it in" assumes the good stuff gets wedged into the nooks and crannies around everything else. Flip it. Block what matters first, then plan the rest around it. Think of it as the time equivalent of paying yourself first.
Your calendar is the true window to your soul. It shows what you value, not what you say you value.
Here's the experiment: design an ideal calendar from a blank slate, then compare it to next week's real one.
You won't close the gap overnight. Look for one teeny-tiny tweak that gets you 1% closer.
The Whole Shebang:
My client sent me an excerpt from her journal the other day. (Now that’s some trust!) “Here’s a list of things I want to make time for” it said.
I looked through the list. It was mostly personal stuff. Sure, there were a couple of work items thrown in, but the majority was stuff a lot of us would love to do more, but have trouble fitting in.
More time with kids.
More time exercising.
More time reading.
More time on hobbies.
And part of the reason we have trouble “fitting it in” is precisely because we’re using that language: “fitting it in”.
Inherent in that phrase is the premise that the stuff you want to do more of, that would help you to enjoy your life more, needs to be wedged into the nooks and crannies of your life, around the other stuff you’ve deemed more “necessary” (often work, tbh), lest it not happen at all.
But what if you flipped that on its head?
What if you started with protecting space for the things that are most important to you, and fit in the rest around that?
And that was precisely the advice, in experiment form, that I suggested to my client.
Because this is the method that’s worked really well for me. And that I’ve seen work for so many of my other clients.
So, instead of hoping you don’t have a meeting at the same time as your kid’s Valentine’s party at school (that you would love to attend because it’s just so cute!) or that hot yoga class where your favorite teacher only teaches on Tuesdays, block those things in your calendar. Now.
Consider this the time equivalent of “paying yourself first”.
It’s a lot easier to plan around something that exists on the calendar than to make a game-time decision about which thing to bail on. And, I’m willing to bet that those in-the-moment decisions most often result in choosing the work thing instead of the thing that will bring you joy.
(And yes, you can totally set the appointments as “busy” without sharing the details with everyone in your office.)
Look, whether you like it or not, your calendar is the true window to your soul. Your calendar shows what you value.
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Not what you say you value. What you actually value.
Your calendar shows where your time goes.
And where your time goes, well, that’s a choice. Yes, there are other influences on your time. Yes, you have obligations. But you also have choices. Even if it feels like you don’t.
And if you’re looking at your calendar right now and feeling pretty defensive about the fact that I just said “your calendar is the window to your soul”, that might be something to examine.
When something hits a nerve, it’s often because it’s a truth you’re not yet ready to admit.
(Or at least, it is for me.)
Ok, so let’s say you look at your calendar and you’re thinking, “yikes, there’s a pretty big gap between what my calendar shows and what I think I value”, how can you start getting some alignment?
My favorite method is a very, very gradual approach. And it starts with a fun (yes, fun!) little experiment: designing an ideal calendar.
Start with a blank slate, imagine that you’ve won the lottery, but you’ve already been sitting on a beach drinking mai-tais, and you’re ready to reenter the world.
How would you spend your time?
When would you be working? What would you be working on? (Even if you no longer needed money, you’d likely still be interested in pursuing some sort of goal, I’d imagine.)
When would you wake? When would you sleep?
What would you do in the mornings? Evenings? Weekends?
How much of your time would be scheduled? How much would be completely open?
How much time would you spend alone?
(And if that feels a little too off-the-wall (or completely pointless/demoralizing!), then do a more realistic version. Incorporate the job you have right now and anything else that feels non-negotiable in your current life.)
Now, ask yourself: “Does this ideal version of your calendar seem well-aligned with your values?" If you secretly made a list of your values, and you showed this calendar to someone else, do you think they could guess what you value?”
Tweak it until it does.
Then, when you’re feeling good about your ideal, compare it to last week’s real calendar (or, even better, next week’s!).
No, you’re not going to be able to enact your ideal calendar right away. (And if you can, teach me that magic!!) But I’m willing to bet that you’ll find at least a couple of small tweaks you can make to your schedule right now that will get you 1% closer to your ideal, 1% closer to your values, 1% closer to spending more of your time on things you “want more time for”.
And that’s better than staying stuck.
(Hell, my ideal calendar has me working 4 hours a day, 3 days a week, and let’s just say, I’m not quite there yet. But a couple years ago, I was working 5 days a week, and now I’m working 4 days a week, so, progress!)
And a few months from now, look again, and see if there’s anything else you can tweak.
The most recent tweak I made? I’m calling it “slow mornings”. And it basically means that I’m starting my workday at 10am instead of 9am. It doesn’t happen every day, because I already had some 9am commitments in my calendar, but I’ve blocked it off for the future.
Will I make some exceptions going forward? Very likely. But now it’s at least the default. And as a person who has struggled with mornings her entire life (getting up has been the hardest part of my day since my first day of kindergarten!), this little tweak is:
helping me get more sleep (and boy do I value sleep) and
making me hate mornings less.
In addition to “slow mornings”, I’ve got other stuff blocked off on my calendar, recurring forever, into the future, because it’s important to me and I want to ensure I make time for it:
I love cooking, and family dinner is important to me, so both of those things are on my calendar.
While I can’t say I enjoy it, exercise is on the calendar because being strong/healthy is important to me.
Showing up for my kids is important to me, so as soon as I get those school and sports calendars, all those events go in the calendar (with travel time!).
Side note! I vibe-coded a little tool that will take any PDF calendar and transform it into an .ics calendar that you can import directly into Google, Outlook, etc. in just 3 clicks. It’s here in case you want to give it a whirl!
And, as I’m sure you’ve heard, if you’ve been around here long, time at the pottery studio is on the calendar. Because there are few other places I’d rather be.
So, what does your calendar say about you?
And if you want to change it, what’s one (teeny-tiny) tweak you could make this week to align your time with your values?
And if you’re not sure how to get started aligning your time with your values, here are 4 ways we can work together:
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