You Don’t Need to Finish to Rest
Photo by Jubéo Hernandez on Unsplash
If you wait for the work to be done to have fun, you’ll never, ever get to the fun.
The other day, I was chatting with my good friend and colleague, Danielle Pickens (who you should go follow, btw, especially if you're a parent who’d like to outsource more of the work it takes to run your household; she’s an expert in this space).
And we were talking about the fact that one of the things we both have had to build skills around, and that enters into our work with our coaching clients ALL THE TIME, is the idea that, in order to prioritize things you care about outside of work, that it’s often necessary to “stop in the middle, before you feel done” (Danielle’s phrase).
Last week I wrote about how accepting that you can’t do it all (and that’s not a personal failure, but a universal fact) is the first step to having more control over your time, and making better decisions about your time.
Because you and I, and everyone else, we could work 18 hours a day, for the rest of our lives, and there would still be work to do tomorrow.
The work will never be done.
Your to-do list is truly endless.
But that’s OK.
And the sooner you accept it, the better off you’ll be.
Because once you accept it, you’ll be able to see other universal truths, and act on them.
And one of those truths is that if you wait for the work to be done before you make time for fun.
Or to prioritize the parts of your life outside of work.
Or do the things that bring you joy.
Well, you’ll be waiting forever, because that time will never come.
Because, as we’ve established, the work will never be done.
So, what can you do?
Well, you can accept it, and you can “stop in the middle” (as Danielle says) or “pick a stopping time” as I say.
You can decide that, even if the work isn’t done, you’ll take a break, to make time for the other part of life, to make time for fun, to make time for connection.
And, when you do this a few good things will happen:
You’ll start enjoying your day to day life more.
You’ll reset the expectation that you can simply absorb more work until you’re literally bursting at the seams.
You’ll actually be more efficient, and you’ll get done a lot more than you thought, because you’ll have invoked Parkinson’s law (that work expands to fill the time allotted”. If you don’t allot time, well, work will seep into all aspects of your life. But if you contain it, you’ll be more efficient.
How did we get here?
Why isn’t this self-evident?
Well, a lot of it comes back to school.
I’ve often mused that “homework” is capitalistic indoctrination that teaches kids to take work home with them.
And Danielle pointed out something tangential, we often teach our kids to have fun only “after the work is done”.
“You can play on your tablet when you’ve finished the chores”
“You can go outside when your homework is done”
Etc.
And while I don’t think that’s entirely bad as it teaches delayed gratification, which is a really important life-skill (at least in the world and culture we live in today), it’s no surprise that when we’re taught that as kids, we grow up to believe that we can’t have fun until the work is done.
The difference is that the “work” for kids, in contained.
There are only so many dishes in the dishwasher to unload.
The teacher aims to give a certain amount of homework with the intention that it shouldn’t take all night.
And then we get into the work-world and those guardrails no longer exist.
The work-world will take as much from you as you’re willing to give.
And it won’t let up until you say uncle (aka set some boundaries for yourself).
As one of my (very smart) clients said long ago:
“I’ve learned that while no one will set boundaries for you, most people will respect the boundaries you set for yourself.”
So, unfortunately, it’s up to you.
The world isn’t set up to hand you downtime on a platter.
But you CAN take it for yourself.
How do I know?
Because I’ve done it.
And Danielle’s done it.
And so have our clients.
And if you need help here, well, you know where to find me.
