Do you want to do it? Or do you want to want to do it?
Photo by Luis Villasmil on Unsplash
TL/DR:
A velleity is a slight, idle wish. It's the lowest possible degree of volition, a desire without the motivation or willpower behind it.
Writing an idea down doesn't turn it into an obligation. You're allowed to change your mind.
Leaving something undone isn't giving up. It means you're spending finite time on what matters more to you.
Consider if lingering items on your list are actually velleities, and let the guilt go.
The Whole Shebang:
For a long time, I had a task in my task system to “rearrange the books in my house in color order” (and there are LOTS of books in my house, so it was a heftier task than you imagine). I’d seen it in a magazine and thought it looked amazing. Who doesn’t love a rainbow!? And then I saw it at a friend’s house. An entire wall! So cool!
And yet, there this task sat, undone, for months.
Maybe even years if I’m being honest with myself (and you!), before I finally pushed it back into the “someday/maybe” bucket and took the pressure off.
Why? Well, the fact that I kept prioritizing other things over this was a clear sign that it was neither urgent, nor important.
And recently, I learned the word for what this task was to me: a velleity.
(And let me just say, as a person who has, as a compulsion since childhood, looked up every single word I read in a book that I didn’t understand, and who sometimes googles words I do understand just to make sure I’m using them absolutely correctly, it was quite delightful for me to learn about this new word from, of all places, a TikTok video. But I digress.)
In any case, a velleity, as I learned, is a slight, idle wish, or mild inclination. It’s the lowest possible degree of volition. It’s a desire that lacks the requisite motivation or willpower needed to actually take action or follow through. It’s something you vaguely want to happen, or to do. But not enough to do get your butt off the couch and actually do something about it.
And there are lots of velleities in my life, to name a few:
I’d like to dress better, but not enough to spend time learning or hire someone to help me.
I’d like to learn to watercolor, but not enough to take out the paints (that I already own!) from the drawer, and use them in a sketchbook I also already own.
I’d like to learn the guitar, and while I guess for a hot second deep in the pandemic I did take some action here (bought a guitar and did a few lessons online), just recently my husband asked me, in no uncertain terms, to give away the guitar that had been sitting in a closet next to the boiler for 5+ years.
Velleities are your passing fancies. Or maybe our lingering ones. They’re the great ideas you have, but may never act on.
And there is nothing, absolutely nothing, wrong with never acting on them.
You only have 24 hours a day. Your time is finite. And some things (maybe most things), even if great ideas, are not going to happen because there are other things we want to do more. There are other things that will spur us to action.
And one thing I’ve seen a lot in my practice is that people tend to feel bad when they have an idea, put it on a list, and then don’t do it, for whatever reason. It’s as if, as soon as you’ve committed something to paper (or electronic paper) that you’ve turned the mere idea into an obligation.
But you, my friend, can change your mind. Just because you had a great idea (or hundreds) doesn’t mean you are required to act on them.
And if you never do them, it doesn’t mean you’ve given up. You’re just using your limited time on this earth for things that matter more. And there’s never been a more right decision.
So, my question to you is this:
Do you have any velleities, lingering on a list, or in your head, that are masquerading as “shoulds”? That are making you fee bad? And if so, can you let them go? Can you rebrand them as velleities, not quite, or not yet, worthy of your limited time?
Your time is precious (god I hate that word, but I’m not sure of a better one, despite my dictionary-loving proclivities), and you have other things you’d rather be doing. So don’t let the velleities get in the way physically (or psychically!).
I, sure as hell, am not feeling any kind of way about the fact that my books are definitely not in a rainbow formation. Maybe one day, but for now, I’ve got to get back to the pottery studio.
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