Are You Ignoring This Crucial Conversation at Home?
Photo by RDNE Stock project
TL/DR:
Household labor doesn’t (er shouldn’t) belong to one person by default
Major life events are the right time to reassess chores
Use my free tool to make the redistribution process easier
The Whole Shebang:
Recently, one of my kids moved out of the house for school (getting me dangerously close to the “empty nest” precipice).
And I have SO many feelings. (But I’ll keep those to myself for now)
But, there are also the logistics of a changing household dynamic to contend with.
And chief among them is household labor, which is more than just “chores”.
(Yes, it’s the laundry and the dishes, but it’s also noticing when you’re running low on milk, making doctors’ appointments and organizing your kiddo’s birthday party.)
For the last several years, this kiddo of mine has been loading the dishwasher, setting the table, getting everyone water for dinner and taking out the trash/recycling, among other things.
And so, with his absence, he’s left not only a hole in my heart, but also, a gap in the smooth functioning of our household.
And I wasn’t personally going to fill that gap in its entirety. (Nope, I refuse to be a cliché, or a martyr. This work doesn’t belong to “mom” by default.)
And so, at our first weekly family meeting after my son moved out, we (my husband, my other son and myself) had a conversation about how to redistribute the chores equitably.
Honestly it went better than I thought. Very little contention. No arguing.
And here’s what we decided:
I’d take on setting the table (as I’m already cooking dinner)
My other son would take on garbage and recycle (since he was already on compost duty)
My husband would take over loading the dishwasher and handwashing everything that doesn’t belong in the dishwasher.
And we’re all getting our own drinks for dinner.
But, the details of what we decided are hardly the important part.
What matters is that we:
1) Noticed that this change in our family structure would necessitate a change to how to equitably distribute the labor of running our household and
2) Met to discuss and agree on the redistribution of labor.
3) Actually implemented what we discussed.
And this reminded me that there are also sorts of inflection points where it makes sense to redistribute household labor (both visible and invisible):
When you move in with a significant other (or a roommate!!)
When you have a baby (or another!)
When your kids age and can take on new responsibilities (We’ve been doling out new chores on New Year’s day to my kids for as long as I can remember, much to their chagrin. Sorry, not sorry!)
When a grandparent moves in/out
When there’s some other major change in the household (COVID isolation, I’m looking at you!)
And, of course, when a kid moves out
Are you in the middle of one of these transitions right now?
Look, these conversations?
They’re not always so easy to have, especially the first time.
But I’ve got you covered!
I’ve built you a tool to help your household distribute (or redistribute!) the labor equitably, based on time available, interest and skill.
And you can access it for free, right here.
Try it out and let me know what you think!
And when you’re ready, here are 3 ways we can work together:
Enroll in the Time Well Spent course Bite-sized, shame-free steps to take control of your time, and your life. Built for real people with big lives, big jobs, or both. Learn more, or enroll here.
Get 1:1 Coaching. High-touch coaching experience for people managers, leaders, executives and founders who need a trusted partner to streamline priorities, manage the overwhelm, and focus on what moves the needle most. Schedule a call to explore if this is the right fit for you.
Explore Team Workshops/Training. Customized workshops and trainings to help your team improve productivity without burnout and create a culture where people (actually) thrive. Schedule a call to explore if this is the right fit for you.
