Are you ready for “No-vember”?
Photo by cottonbro studio
TL/DR:
Saying no is hard but necessary to protect your time and energy
Every yes is also a no to something else
Saying no gets easier with practice; start small
Join me in the “No-vember” challenge to flex your no muscle
The Whole Shebang:
I’m collaborating with a client right now on a series all about boundaries. And one of the participants asked me “How can I set boundaries without disappointing anyone?”
And while I hated to break it to her, the reality is that sometimes, when you say no, when you set a boundary, you will disappoint someone. They want to hear the yes.
But they aren’t entitled to the yes.
But, if you want to protect your time, your energy, your peace, so you have the reserves for the stuff that’s important to you, you might need to say no. You might need to set a boundary.
And you know what’s hard?
Saying no.
Even when you want to.
Even when you know you should.
Saying no is hard. Period.
A lot of the time, you probably say yes without thinking.
You feel pressure to say yes, to be liked, to be helpful, because it seems like a good thing to do or something that you should do.
But you’re not always thinking about your time and priorities, and that’s often how you get stretched too thin.
Saying yes often feels like the path of least resistance.
Until it comes time to do the thing you agreed to. D’oh.
But, hey, it’s No-vember!
(And no, I didn’t make that up, but I am jumping on the bandwagon, and hoping you will too!)
And that presents you with an opportunity.
An opportunity to practice saying no (so you can spend more time doing what you want, and less time doing what you don’t).
To start flexing that “no” muscle.
And it really is a muscle.
The more you practice, the easier it gets.
Look, you can’t do everything. I’m sorry. It’s true.
And that means that, by necessity, everything you say “yes” to means you’re saying “no” to something else.
But on the flip side, every time you say “no”, you’re opening up space to say “yes” to something you’d rather do more.
Time is about tradeoffs. For better or for worse.
Are you up for a challenge?
This month, I want you to pick a (low stakes) request that you’re kinda scared to say no to, but don’t want to do, and say no.
And then, note how you feel.
It’s very likely 2 things will happen:
You’ll feel relief.
You’ll realize the consequences you feared didn’t come to fruition and you’ll feel more confident to keep on flexing that no muscle.
Then congratulate yourself.
And do it again! (And maybe even up the stakes!)
Need support to follow through on this challenge?
Need a little help figuring out WHAT you should say no to? Check out this flowchart I made for you!
Need a little help figuring out HOW to say no? Check out this piece I wrote awhile back with scripts you can use.
To all your “no”s in No-vember!
Alexis
When you’re ready, here are 3 ways we can work together:
Enroll in the Time Well Spent course
Bite-sized, shame-free steps to take control of your time, and your life. Built for real people with big lives, big jobs, or both. Learn more, or enroll here.
Get 1:1 Coaching
High-touch coaching for people managers, leaders, executives and founders who need a trusted partner to streamline priorities, manage the overwhelm, and focus on what moves the needle most. Schedule a call to explore if this is the right fit for you.
Explore Team Workshops/Training
Customized workshops and trainings to help your team improve productivity without burnout and create a culture where people (actually) thrive. Schedule a call to explore if this is the right fit for you.
