Use This Framework Every Time You Screw Up

Photo by Francisco De Legarreta C. on Unsplash

TL/DR

• Everyone makes mistakes.

• The key to recovering with integrity is how you handle your mistake after the fact.

• Use my, tried and true 4-step “Handling Mistakes” framework

• People will respond better than you expect, and you’ll come out of your mistake showing you are accountable, capable, and teachable.

The Whole Shebang:

Something really embarrassing happened to me recently.

Or rather, I did something really embarrassing.

This thing I did? 

It probably would have made anyone feel bad.

But for me, as a time management coach, I felt really bad.  Out of character.  And a little shameful.

But, instead of sitting in shame, I'm just gonna share it with you.

Because I need to practice what I preach: self compassion, and the fact that I can only move forward, I can’t change the past.

So here goes. I’m gonna tell you what I did (deep breath in, deep breath out).

And then, when I’m done, I’m going to tell you how I repaired the damage.

Here's what happened:

Recently, a very kind reporter reached out to me because she wanted to interview me for a piece she was doing on how to unplug on vacation.  And you better believe I have a lot to say about that!

She’d seen my Youtube video on the topic and she wanted to know more.

She was on a deadline, and my week was pretty busy, but I thought, “you know what, I really enjoy being interviewed, so I’ll schedule this on Friday” (a day I usually don’t work).

And so I did.

And I thought I was covered in the “remembering” department because it was scheduled right after another work-adjacent call with a colleague/friend (the kind of thing I do schedule on Fridays because it’s so fun it doesn’t feel like work!).

And I assumed I’d get a little meeting notification because I was doing the other call on Zoom, from my computer.

(Note to self: NEVER rely on memory.  In fact, my very first blog post was about exactly that), 

But then.

I decided to take that first call from my phone, and I don’t have any notifications on my phone (which usually works out in my favor, but not this time).

And then my first call ran long, and because I don’t usually work on Fridays, it slipped my mind.

I proceeded to have a wonderful, blissfully unaware of my error, weekend.

And Monday morning, I opened my email and to my absolute horror saw an email from this reporter saying that she was waiting for me on the Zoom and hoped I was ok.

Shame and guilt immediately flooded my body. 

My face flushed and my heart started thumping as I realized that I’d left this poor reporter (on a deadline!) hanging. 

And that I’d broken my number 1 value (accountability), albeit not on purpose.

Then, I took a deep breath (or 5!) and reminded myself that I can only move forward.

As much as I would like to, I can’t change the past.

And then, I used the “Handling Mistakes with Integrity” framework I developed many years ago.

This framework has served me well over the years, personally and professionally. 

(I’ve taught it to everyone I’ve ever managed. 

And I teach it in the “Managing Up” workshop that I lead for many of my corporate clients.

And, of course, I’ve used to myself whenever I make mistakes.)

The Framework?:

First:

• Take responsibility; own up to it

Then, answer the following 4 questions.

• What happened?

• How did it happen?

• What am I doing to fix it?

• What am I doing to make sure it doesn’t happen again?

So I immediately, without delay, emailed that reporter and profusely apologized.

I told her what happened and how (a truncated version). (The what and the how.)

I told her that if she still wanted to interview me, I’d move around my schedule to accommodate hers, and I also sent over a list of written tips/quotes that she could use if she no longer had time to interview me given her tight deadline. (What I’m doing to fix it.)

And, while I didn’t think this situation warranted me telling this reporter how I was going to make sure it never happens again, I did make a plan for myself.

I decided that if, in the future, I ever decide to schedule someone on a day I usually don’t work, that I will also add an alarm to my phone for 2 minutes beforehand, and I’ll label the alarm with the name of the person and/or purpose of the call.

Look, I’m a real person.

I don’t always get it right.

This is a mistake (missing a meeting) that I’ve only made a handful of times in my adult life because I have systems. 

So many systems.

But this time, this instance slipped through the cracks of my system.

I can’t change what happened.

And I refuse to beat myself up over it (at least, repeatedly, ha!)

But what I can do it update my systems to accommodate this edge case.

And you might be wondering:

“So how did the reporter respond?  Did she respond?”

She did, and with absolute grace.  “These things happen”, she said.

The moral of this story:

I’ve found is that if you follow the “handling mistakes” framework above when you make a mistake (and you will, we all will), that the person you’ve harmed usually responds much better than you might anticipate.

The reason?

This framework does 3 things.  It shows the other party that you’re:

1. accountable

2. capable, and

3. teachable.

And, because you’ve answered up front any question they might have had, there’s not much else to say about it.

So, the next time you make a mistake, at work or otherwise, instead of sweeping your mistake under the rug and hoping it’ll blow over, or getting defensive, or just hiding away, berating yourself, ruminating on it, how about trying this framework?

When you’re ready, here are 3 ways we can work together:

1. Enroll in the Time Well Spent course
   Bite-sized, shame-free steps to take control of your time, and your life. Built for real people with big lives, big jobs, or both. Learn more, or enroll here.

2. Get 1:1 Coaching
   High-touch coaching experience for people managers, leaders, executives and founders who need a trusted partner to streamline priorities, manage the overwhelm, and focus on what moves the needle most. Schedule a call to explore if this is the right fit for you.

3. Explore Team Workshops/Training (like the “Managing Up” workshop in which I teach this framework, among other things!)
   Customized workshops and trainings to help your team improve productivity without burnout and create a culture where people (actually) thrive. Schedule a call to explore if this is the right fit for you.