Do you really have to choose between your career and your life?
In the late 90s, I entered college with the intention of studying neuroscience, and instead left with a degree in Existentialism, Education Theory and Studio Art (yes they let me create my own major, and yes, I do actually have a diploma, albeit one that had no clear path to a “real job”.)
Why the change? Well, I took a biology class my freshman year of college. (It was at 8am. And let’s just say that an 8am class was wishful thinking for my night owl self. At best.)
And, I got the worst grade I’d ever received in my life: a C. (I know, I know, cry me a river, but I was a straight-A student until that point, and “class participation” had always been my ticket. I’ve always been a yapper.)
Memorizing facts, trying not to zone out or fall asleep? Not so much.
I didn’t know it at the time, but it was likely due to my undiagnosed ADHD that I’d struggled so much with this class.
Where I couldn’t write a persuasive paper, or participate my way into an A.
So I did what I’d always done. I pivoted, and I figured out a way to “do college” that worked for me. So I could be a straight-A student, without memorizing a single thing.
But I wasn’t thinking about the future.
And when I graduated, I literally had no idea what I wanted to do with my (big L) life.
(And really, who does at 22??!! And the fact that we expect kids to is WILD! But I digress.)
Fast forward; I’m now well into my 40s, and I’m pretty sure I’ve been doing “what I wanted to do with my life” for the last 8 years.
Because 8 years ago, I started a business helping OTHER people learn to use their time in service of their own goals, values and interests. That helps people succeed no matter what their brains, or constraints, look like. To navigate the world with agency.
Look, I know what I’m about to say is super cliché, but time is the only thing we can’t make more of. The most valuable resource we have access to. Seriously.
And, in the intervening years between graduating college and starting this business, I was witness to a work-world that wants nothing more than to sneakily siphon off as much of your time as you’ll let it. Leaving you feeling depleted, with little energy for the rest of your life, even if you do manage to protect some of your time for yourself.
I spent the first 15 years or so of my career in early-stage startups, working my way up from “office manager” to roles like “Director of Operations and HR”, and “Chief of Staff”.
And I noticed very early on that the way other people were working was decidedly NOT how I wanted to do it.
The frenetic, relentless pace.
Late evenings.
Weekend work.
People sleeping on the couch in the office.
Nap pods that weren’t really for napping, but for crashing after exhaustion.
And this was before the constant pings of Slack. And Teams.
Before remote work was the norm.
Before the expectation was “always available”.
I saw all of this. I waded through all of this.
And I thought “No. This isn’t for me because I want to enjoy my life.”
I have too many interests.
Too many hobbies.
I like downtime.
I love sleep.
I wanted kids (and yes, yes, I know that the statement above is in direct opposition with this one. How do I know? Because I have kids.)
AND, I wanted to succeed. I wanted to progress. I wanted to do well.
I wanted to “make it” at work. But I wanted to do it in 40 hours a week (or, preferably, less).
I didn’t want work following me home (physically or mentally).
A successful career. A fulfilling personal life. I wanted both.
And because I have (some might say) delusional self-confidence, I started experimenting with ways to do exactly that.
And it took a hell of a lot of trial and error.
I didn’t always get things right. And even the “right” things didn’t work forever.
But people started noticing.
And asking for my advice.
Because I wasn’t the only one who wanted to kick ass at work AND have a full life outside of work.
Perhaps I was just one of the few convinced it was actually possible.
And that anyone could do it if they develop the skills, mindset, and willingness to experiment and iterate until they find what works.
And so, in 2018, after the last company I’d worked for (Go Deltas!) was shuttered, I decided to see if I could, as my whole professional purpose, help as many people as possible use their time in service of the lives they actually want to live.
(Spoiler: it worked!)
8 years in, I’ve helped over 240,000 people (what!? I’m still in disbelief) to take control of their time, do more of what they want, less of what they don’t and stress (a whole lot) less.
To feel truly satisfied with how they spend their time, and by extension, with themselves.
And along the way, I’ve developed a credo, a manifesto of sorts, and I want to share it with you.
I believe:
The first step to time freedom is accepting you can’t do it all
And the fact that you can’t do it all is what makes your choices meaningful.
In fact, true prioritization only becomes possible once you admit you can’t do it all.
Because time is finite, tradeoffs are inevitable.
Time realism beats time optimism. You’ll be a lot happier if you plan for the time you actually have, instead of the time you wish you had.
FOMO is a privilege. It means you have options.
Your productivity doesn’t define your worth
Productivity for productivity’s sake is counterproductive to a fulfilling life.
Rest is a right. It doesn’t need to be earned.
“Always on” culture is a trap that denies your humanity.
You are valuable, no matter what you produce.
Productivity isn’t about the quantity of output. Productivity is doing what you intended to do. Even if that’s reading a book with a beer in a hammock.
F*ck late-stage, unbridled capitalism.
There’s no “right way”
The fact that something worked for someone else and doesn’t work for you isn’t a moral failing.
Everyone is different. Different brains, different circumstances, different strengths, different constraints, different supports.
Finding what works for you requires experimentation. Nothing works forever, but you can adapt.
You’re allowed to change your mind.
Self-compassion is a (productivity) superpower anyone can cultivate
You can only move forward. Berating yourself for the past doesn’t help you change the future.
Action begets motivation (not the other way around)
Willpower isn’t a strategy; it’s a fleeting resource you don’t always have access to.
Perfection is impossible
And the sooner you stop chasing it, the faster you’ll make progress
The purpose of planning isn’t to execute the plan perfectly. It’s to feel confident in your pivots when new information arrives.
Mental trickery beats “discipline” any day of the week.
You have (far) more agency over your time than you think
You only have one life to live, and you get to choose how to spend it.
No one will set boundaries for you, but most people will respect the boundaries you set.
You’re likely undervaluing your day-to-day experience and overvaluing a big future goal (while potentially making yourself miserable in the interim)
You deserve to feel good about how you spend your time. Every day.
There’s no growth in the comfort zone
Living the life you want sometimes requires you to do or say some uncomfortable things.
Your systems are a buoy. Building them takes real effort up front. Floating is the payoff.
You can only control your own actions and reactions, but those actions can inspire others.
Every person who opts out of “hustle culture” makes space and forges the path for someone else to do the same. The more of us who refuse productivity-at-all-costs, the faster the culture shifts.
Take your vacation. Enjoy your weekends. Take all your parental leave. Push back on the societal pressures that tell you your value is in your output.
If you’re scared, do it scared.
Look, what I want for you, is what I’ve built for me, and what I’ve helped over 240,000+ others achieve.
A life in which the mental load has been offloaded and you’re not concerned you’ll miss something important.
Where you spend your time in accordance with your goals, values, interests and whims
Where you feel confident in your yes’s and your no’s
Where you leave work at work, and can be present at home
Where it would never cross your mind to check your email on vacation, and you don’t worry about how to tackle the mountain of email when you return (because you have systems for that!)
Where you revel in the time you “waste” because “time you enjoyed wasting is never wasted time”
Where you feel confident in the necessary tradeoffs you make with your time
Where you feel innately satisfied when your head hits the pillow because you know that you did the things that were more important than the things you didn’t do
Where you wake up in the morning with a plan, and feel confident about when and how to change the plan (instead of mad at yourself that your plan didn’t go off without a hitch)
Where, instead of berating yourself for being behind, you congratulate yourself for what you’ve accomplished
I want, for you, a life where you feel that you have enough time for yourself, your friends, your family AND your work.
Doesn’t that sound nice?
And it’s not a pipe-dream. I promise.
And while I don’t want to toot my own horn over here, I’m living proof that you don’t have to be “always on”, or check email surreptitiously while your kid nestles to sleep in the crook of your arm as you’re tap tap tapping away, resentful, or work 80 hours a week to “stay on top of things” and “get ahead”.
You have more agency than you think.
And if you’re willing to be brave, to shrug off anticipated defeat and make intentional choices, you CAN lead a life in which you’re truly satisfied.
You CAN be time-rich.
This is the world I want us all to live in.
Together.
When you’re ready, here are 4 ways we can work together:
Download the Do More, Stress Less App
Daily personalized coaching that adapts to your brain, your goals, and your life. Like having a productivity coach in your pocket.
Get started here.Enroll in the Time Well Spent course
Bite-sized, shame-free steps to take control of your time, and your life. Built for real people with big lives, big jobs, or both.
Learn more, or enroll here.Get 1:1 Coaching
High-touch coaching for people managers, leaders, executives and founders who need a trusted partner to streamline priorities, manage the overwhelm, and focus on what moves the needle most.
Schedule a call to explore if this is the right fit for you.Explore Team Workshops/Training
Customized workshops and trainings to help your team improve productivity without burnout and create a culture where people (actually) thrive.
Schedule a call to explore if this is the right fit for you.
